The Near Futurist

Top Ten Tweets That I Simply Have No Time For

10. Any tweet describing a particular play in a particular sporting event.

"Oooh, did you see that block by Bryant?"
"And in for the goal!"

9. Tweet greetings and salutations.
"Good morning, world."
8. Air traffic controller tweets, announcing they just landed in some airport.
"Just landed in ATL."
7. Tweets with incredibly non-descriptive words and phrases describing a state of being, usually starting with the word “is.”
"is tired."
"is feeling mediocre."
6. Links with little or no description.
5. The only tweets from someone are shameless plugs.
"Check out this cool interview that I did with a very popular interviewer. I’m great it in.
"I make multi-million $ decisions on a regular basis — why is it soooo difficult to decide what to do with my hair?"
3. The complete non sequitur tweet.
"blueberries and cockleshells."
"I swear it isn’t!"
2. Hipster doofus tweets feigning detachment from popular culture.
"Tonight’s the night I finally get to not care who wins "American Idol!""
1. “This is my first tweet” tweets.
"This is my first tweet."